COMMENTARY—November 25, 2000

Why Breastfeeding is Very Important

If there is anything expendable in child-rearing today, it appears to be breastfeeding.  I have heard many different excuses from women for not breastfeeding, and every one of them is legitimate.  I cannot and will not argue with women I know, for example, who were sexually molested as children, who have severe medical problems such as excruciating and debilitating back pain, or who could not produce enough breast milk despite consulting with lactation specialists. 

As a rule, I just keep quiet and say nothing because it is not my intention to judge anyone for not breastfeeding.  Rather, I hope to be able to encourage those women who do wish to breastfeed their babies beyond the first few weeks of life by offering sound reasons for why breastfeeding should be offered on demand indefinitely.  Breastfeeding is not expendable.

The reason breastfeeding is not expendable is that it is an invaluably integral part of human parenting.  We human beings are mammals, and we share the legacy of nursing our young at the breast with other mammals.  Whales are known to nurse their offspring for years, and the mother-baby dyad are inseparable.  Kangaroos provide their offspring with the breast and a perfect exterior womb, a pouch, in which to grow and develop.  We human beings also are supposed to nurse our babies at the breast and keep our babes in arms. 

Breastfeeding is what has sustained human life throughout human existence.  It has only been a little over a century since the advent of milk pasteurization made human infant survival possible without breastfeeding.  Unfortunately, the art of breastfeeding has been nearly eradicated within that short time frame.  The reality is that whereas almost all women once breastfed, most American women today have no conception of their biological role as breastfeeding mothers.

Our culture and our education do nothing to elucidate women’s biological role as nursing mothers.  Just as we do not know much about biology, most parents similarly do not know that much about the biology of babies.  Interestingly, the field of ethnopediatrics, as explained by anthropologist Meredith F. Small in her book Our Babies, Ourselves, offers the general public the opportunity to learn more about how culture affects prevalent parenting styles. 

The purpose of ethnopediatrics, and it is a noble one, is to identify humane child-rearing practices from cultures around the world.  In other words, if a parenting style is especially beneficial to the well-being of children, then more parents around the world should be exposed to that specific parenting style.  A great example of what would benefit babies worldwide would be breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding is actually a biologically mandated activity that benefits both mother and nursing child.

The purpose of this Web site is not to excoriate women for not breastfeeding. Instead, it seeks to explore the fundamental value of breastfeeding not only as a biological activity but as a wholly human activity that encompasses the well-being of both mother and child.  Although my primary concern is the well-being of young children, the indisputable fact is that the well-being of both mother and child begins with breastfeeding.  

Some women complain that the mother-infant bond is a creation of men’s will to force women to stay home.   Why is it, then, that most mothers of young infants who work outside the home would rather stay home with their babies than work?  Survey after survey shows that most mothers would love to stay home and care for their young children.  When a mother bonds with her child, her primary focus is usually on caring for her child.  For some reason, though, many find this type of warm and loving affection to be distasteful. 

Women are encouraged to become independent of their babies; to go out and have fun without their babies; to rekindle the romance of marriage that supposedly existed before the birth of children; to cherish the freedom of life without babies; and so on.  Is it any wonder, then, that those women who choose to distance themselves early in life from their young children wind up begrudging family life and maternal responsibilities?

Arlie Russell Hochschild found in researching her book The Time Bind:  When Work Becomes Home and Home Becomes Work  that although parents say that they want to spend more time with their children, they actually work longer hours and spend more time away from their children.  Delving into the reasons for these longer work hours, Ms. Hochschild learned that the work environment was more comfortable and inviting than the home environment.  She writes the following:  

I did not anticipate the conclusion I found myself coming to:  namely, that work has become a form of “home” and home has become “work.”  The worlds of home and work have not begun to blur, as the conventional wisdom goes, but to reverse places.  We are used to thinking that home is where most people feel the most appreciated, the most truly “themselves,” the most secure, the most relaxed.  We are used to thinking that work is where most people feel like “just a number” or “a cog in a machine.”  It is where they have to be “on,” have to “act,” where they are least secure and most harried.But new management techniques so pervasive in corporate life have helped transform the workplace into a more appreciative, personal sort of social world.  Meanwhile, at home the divorce rate has risen, and the emotional demands have become more baffling and complex.  [1]

We should pause to question why it is that home has become so complicated and unfulfilling.  Home is where a family is supposed to unite and enjoy living together. Home does not evolve from nothing.  Home is a place that is created by its occupants, and it becomes comfortable when we dedicate time and effort into making our home hospitable.  If we do not put our best efforts toward making our home a place where we can enjoy our lives, then we cannot reap the rewards of living together.  When the last priority is homemaking, it is no wonder that so many homes have been disrupted.

As far as I am concerned, homemaking is a full-time occupation when young children are involved.  Homemaking is not merely a matter of housekeeping, but that of child nurturing.  The foremost activity in homemaking should be breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding can and should be an integral part of homemaking if a healthy and stable home are the goals of family life. 

Young children who are breastfed on demand for the first few years of life experience the best that life can offer.  They receive the nurturing, comfort, love, warmth, affection, touch, and human contact that so profoundly affects their well-being.  In fact, the radiance of the mother-child breastfeeding dyad permeates the entire home so that family life becomes what it should be:  harmonious, joyful, and loving.

Family life that revolves around breastfeeding is ideal, but even the happiest of married couples who embrace breastfeeding may suffer disappointment and marriage failure.  When my firstborn was an infant, I was home full-time as a homemaker.  Meanwhile, my husband was busy working outside the home, and he took many trips across the country or abroad.  At that time, as happy as I was being home with my precious infant, I was also a distraught physician who was taking a very long maternity leave. 

Unbeknownst to me, that maternity leave would last to this day, longer than ten years.  At times, I did not feel much support from my husband because he was so preoccupied with his work.  Ultimately, despite my constant availability and breastfeeding round the clock with great dedication and love, our son perceived the tension between his parents.  Would it be terribly ironic to write that, despite my dedication, my breastfeeding son would side with his father when disagreements arose?

When my son was just nine months old and seated in his car seat in the rear, I was driving and I was upset.  I was complaining to my husband about something and, however justified my complaints were, all I can recall is peering briefly at my son to see him give me a dirty look.  I had to do a double take because I was horrified.  I could not believe that my son was siding with his father without fully understanding the real circumstances behind my distress. 

It is fascinating that my son still sympathizes with my husband, even now, when things go awry.  I was offended at first, but I realized that the breastfeeding bond in no way diminishes the bond between child and father.  If anything, it was apparent that the communication channels between all of us were wide open even though we were not always in agreement.  I was very impressed that my son was able to demonstrate his emotions so clearly and succinctly at such a young age.

Breastfeeding on demand teaches children learn the art of communication.  Although much of the communication between parent and child in early life appears to be non-verbal, the basis for effective verbal communication is formed early in life.  Through breastfeeding, we communicate our willingness to be there for our children and to give of ourselves.

We respond to our children's needs effectively and efficiently by breastfeeding.  This is of prime importance since most children cannot articulate clearly and perfectly their needs for the first three years of life.  During the early years of life, parents need a tool for communicating with young children and, ideally, it would be the consistently comforting and satisfying activity of breastfeeding.  

Although many parents worry that being too responsive to a child's needs leads them to spoil their children, the reality is that too much love never hurts anyone.  In fact, it is the opposite, a lack of love and attention, that ultimately spoils children.  Spoiled children are those who seek the love and attention they never received in early childhood.  They disrupt others' lives because they do not comprehend the meaning of cooperative behavior. 

In contrast, when children are breastfed, they receive the love and attention that every single human being needs to become a cooperative human being.  Cooperation is the basis of all meaningful social relations, and breastfeeding teaches children the definitive meaning of cooperation.

In the absence of breastfeeding, parents need to bestow greater conscious and conscientious efforts toward teaching their children the meaning of cooperation and love.  It is certainly very possible to give children a great deal of love and affection in the absence of breastfeeding, and I know many capable, concerned, and loving parents who did not breastfeed but who love their children dearly. 

It is truly wonderful that there are so many loving parents who care so profoundly about the well-being of their young children.  Yet I also know that the same loving parents are often confounded by what they perceive to be frustrating behavior from their children.  Their children are loved and cared for but still appear to be lacking something, particularly during that infamous age called “the terrible twos.”

Parents dread “the terrible twos” and often complain that their babies’ uncooperative behavior begins soon after they pass the first year of infancy.  It does not surprise me that parents cannot tolerate their babies' demanding or contrary behavior.  In the absence of breastfeeding, most babies have not received the satisfaction of basic human needs, such as the need for close human contact or constant loving interaction. 

The fact is that bottle-fed babies are often left to care for themselves at far too early an age.  I have seen innumerable small babies fed by mothers or caretakers whose intimacy extends to a hand that holds the bottle steady as the babies remain in their strollers.  Rarely are bottle-fed babies cuddled in the same intimate manner as are breastfed babies. 

Bottle-fed babies often have to wait as someone quickly prepares a bottle of infant formula whereas breastfed babies can quickly nurse at the breasts that are constantly replenished with new stores of milk.  It is not surprising that young babies are so frustrated.  Very few babies today are breastfed on demand in the U.S., and no one seems to associate young children's health or behavioral problems with the absence of breastfeeding.

Ashley Montagu, the distinguished anthropologist, wrote often that the definition of good health is the ability to work, to play, to love and be loved, and to think soundly.  For some reason, parents fail to understand the significance of their young children's good health.  It is almost as if they believe that young babies and children will develop into healthy and loving adults regardless of what upbringing they might receive. 

This assumption arises, undoubtedly, because so few adults today experienced wonderful and happy childhoods.  They assume that their children will invariably develop and mature into adults who are healthier and happier because they receive superior environmental support in the form of better education, more toys, nicer clothes, and so on.  The improved financial status of a child's environment, however, does not guarantee a child's better health.  What certainly does enhance a child's improved well-being is the consistent presence and love of a caring mother whose dedication can be best demonstrated through breastfeeding.

Although breastfeeding is still viewed by most parents as only a source of nourishment for very young infants, it is much more than that.  Breastfeeding is a prolonged interaction between mother and child that creates an indelible bond.  Surely, the mother-child bond is enhanced by other interactions, but no other activity can mimic the breadth of commitment and love that a breastfeeding mother provides her nursling. 

The reason is that breastfeeding, when offered on demand whenever a baby or child needs to nurse, is actually a very time intensive activity that commits a mother to being physically available for her child.  Breastfeeding on demand provides frequent and prolonged physical and emotional contact between mother and child.  That physical and emotional connection goes a long way toward securing a meaningful mother-child bond.

Mothers are not expendable, just as breastfeeding is not expendable.  Mothers are unique in that they usually bear their children and are physically prepared by Nature to nourish babies at the breast.  As many women shun the nourishing nature of breasts, breasts are associated with everything but infants and suckling. 

For instance, breasts are cited constantly as the site of cancer.  It would not be surprising to learn that children are more aware of breast cancer than breastfeeding.  Breasts are a sign of attractiveness, so women may get implants to enlarge their breasts or undergo surgical reduction to obtain smaller breasts.  Breasts are seen primarily as objects of men’s sexual desire, so breasts are bared nearly everywhere.  No one blushes when breasts are mentioned in any context other than breastfeeding. 

The mention of breastfeeding, however, confounds people.  They are embarrassed to be around a nursing mother.  In other words, the true purpose of mammary glands has been so discounted that most women think that breastfeeding is optional and even irrelevant to child-rearing today.

In truth, we live in a culture that denounces breastfeeding.  When television programs air segments about breastfeeding, the media want to portray breastfeeding advocates as being inflexibly militant Amazons.  I still recall an episode of the television news program 20/20  in the mid-1990s that featured a segment on “Milk Insufficiency Syndrome.”  I was dismayed by the willfully biased way in which the reporter, a woman, misrepresented breastfeeding and its benefits.  The tone of the segment was biased completely against breastfeeding.  It was ominous, in fact, when they interviewed and quoted a well-known pediatrician as saying that “not all women can breastfeed,” the implication being clearly that breastfeeding is not for all women.

I would beg to offer a different opinion and that is that breastfeeding is, indeed for all women, but that many women choose not to breastfeed.  What we fail to understand is that the decision not to breastfeed is one that has serious health and behavioral ramifications.  Breastfeeding is a critical and key preventive health measure that provides children unparalleled immunological protection that provides long-term benefits. This fact can no longer be taken lightly since growing scientific research is confirming the infectious nature of many adult chronic illnesses previously believed to be unrelated to infection. 

A recent book called Plague Time  by biologist Paul Ewald implicates the long-term effects of infectious parasites as being more important than genes and lifestyle in causing diseases as diverse as heart disease, mental illness, cancer, and autoimmune disease.  [2]  Although many parents believe in young children's ability to fight infection, parents and physicians are overly dependent upon antibiotics.  Dr. Paul Offit, Chief of Infectious Disease at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, and his colleagues wrote a book called Breaking the Antibiotic Habit.  They detail the grave dangers of repeatedly prescribing antibiotics, mostly for non-bacterial infections. 

We should be fully cognizant of the physical and behavioral health consequences of not breastfeeding our children, but we are not.  One of my friends recently commented that the general public remains woefully ignorant of the remarkable advances in science that confirm the wondrous benefits of breastfeeding.  By ignoring breastfeeding, parents are unknowingly abdicating not only the anti-infectious benefits of breastfeeding but also its unique ability to provide parents the most simple and effective interaction that calms and comforts young babies and children. 

Breastfeeding is the most effective means of conveying love, affection, consideration, dedication, and compassion.  Breastfeeding is the most effective disciplinary tool because it demonstrates to young children the true meaning of discipline (please see Commentary—The True Meaning of Discipline).  Overall, breastfeeding provides so much that when women choose not to breastfeed, they need to provide that much more succor, love, attention, and care to their needy young children .

The good news is that I have met so many loving, kind, caring, and dedicated mothers who did not breastfeed.  In fact, the good nature of these many mothers puts me to shame.  They are patient, sweet, tolerant, warm-hearted, considerate, and they have boundless love for their children.  In these cases, there is no doubt that their children will become wonderful human beings. 

The good attributes of a loving mother can compensate for much in life.  Yet I have seen that there are significant breakdowns in communication between even the most loving mother and a child who was not breastfed on demand.  To me, this is a serious consequence of not breastfeeding.  When the lines of communication are never built upon the strong foundation of breastfeeding, conflict between mother and child is invariable.  Given those circumstances, a mother needs to become even more patient, loving, caring, and understanding than she already is.  In the absence of breastfeeding, the patience and tolerance of even the most saintly mothers will be tried.

 Since I am not saintly, I can attest to the wonderful ways in which breastfeeding enabled me to transcend the limitations of my personality.  Breastfeeding permitted me to give of myself as I never had thought myself capable of giving.  It gave me the tool to show my children how deeply I loved them even though no one, including my mother and sister, ever suspected how profound my dedication could be.  For example, even now, it is difficult for me to end letters with "Love, Mizin" because it is such an intimate statement. 

Breastfeeding enabled me to transcend such limitations in my conscious thinking.  It let me be a loving mother without my necessarily needing to think about how loving I should be.  In other words, breastfeeding was the ultimate expression of my unconditional love for my children.  My children experienced this unconditional love, so they have been able to relate to me despite my difficult personality.  Breastfeeding permitted me to expand my life beyond my personal limitations.

Revised April 12, 2006